Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
