i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
