I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
