So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
