I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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