Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im holly from the hills drunk
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
