I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
