im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
