AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
