just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
