he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
