I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Your penis caused this!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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