Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
