i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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