More tranny stories later!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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