I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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