there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Who died my cat blue again?
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