Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
