to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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