so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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