I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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