coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
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