Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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