If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He did a backflip because drugs
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