I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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