So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
