dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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