needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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