we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i came on her dog
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
