a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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