The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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