dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
