Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
