All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
