can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize