I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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