wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
