Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
