dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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