I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
