the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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