He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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