I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
