I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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