hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
