i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize