well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
50% drunk capacity currently
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
