he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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