also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
