I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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