i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
