I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
