And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
