I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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