Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
