so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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