they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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