Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
