My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
