please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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