I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
