You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
