All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize