The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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