if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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