Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
