We won't sleep together?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
