I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
