is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
